Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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