Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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