So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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