I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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