My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
