OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
