So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
