some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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