So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
