lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
