did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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