Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
