as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
