The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
