I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
