i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
