and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
