I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
