At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
