I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
