is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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