it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
