You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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