We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
