my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
