Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
