I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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