Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
