I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Randomize
