apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
