I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
