Where are you?
In a non slutty way
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
