at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Damn victory sex feels great
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
