I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
