the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
