Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
