He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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