Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
