I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
