I wish I could punch you in the face.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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