Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
