i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
