The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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