with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
