Pappa wants mamma naked
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Floor bacon is actually really good
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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