I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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