like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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