I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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