i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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