I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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