I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
