all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Randomize
