i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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